Vicki L Mayfield, M.Ed., R.N., LMFT Marriage and Family Therapy Oklahoma City If you would like to send a question to Vicki, email us at [email protected]

Q. I recently read the book, “Divorcing Your Parents” and found it very enlightening. I have been struggling with wanting/needing to distance myself from them for years. The level of dysfunction is so toxic that I have extreme anxiety. I guess I am needing someone to tell me it is ok.


A. It is ok!
If something/someone does not add to your life, it doesn’t belong in your life.
This situation is more common than people realize. Hence the book. Just because someone is blood related doesn’t equal healthy. We often hold on longer because someone said we were supposed to; we were supposed to hammer away trying to get the square peg into the round hole, force people to love us.
There is only one person who truly grasps the magnitude of a toxic family connection; the person feeling the burn. When the body REALLY doesn’t like something it lets us know.
Denise experienced extreme anxiety when her mother would call, just seeing her name would cause her heart to pound. If she didn’t answer the anxiety would persist because Denise knew her mother would call back. “She always made me feel inadequate, always questioning my decisions, never saying anything positive. I struggled with drugs and alcohol for years as a way to cope with my anger and sadness. I have been sober for two years and drug free and do not want my feelings to cause me to relapse.
With regulated dosing it is a good treatment. We strictly recommend to all not to exceed the Tadalafil dose of 20mg per day.
We do not have to hold on to any friendship or relationship that is toxic. If you find yourself believing someone will change; that your mother will one day call and tell you how proud she is of you and how much she loves you; give up this magical thinking. Focus on reality, the reality of your body symptoms every time you see her name or know you have to see or talk to her.
And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for “divorcing” her. For some of us that is the only way to restore sanity.