Vicki L Mayfield, M.Ed., R.N., LMFT Marriage and Family Therapy Oklahoma City If you would like to send a question to Vicki, email us at [email protected]

So I having been talking to a woman online. She has shared a good amount about herself and I must admit some of it sounds too good to be true or too far out there to be true. She is wanting to meet soon and I want to meet her. How should I follow up on some of her information?

Isn’t it interesting how there is a “private detective” component to dating. It is easier than ever to get information in this social media era: you can google anything. And unfortunately people do not always present as their true selves.
Here are a few dating tips:
1. Pre-dating homework:
You stated that this woman has shared a lot about herself and some of it you found “interesting.” Get more details to check out specific information such as, verifying college graduation, criminal background checks, etc.
2. Ask questions:
Really listen to what is being said. If something gets your attention, especially if you get a gut reaction, get more details. I think it is almost a 100% guarantee that if you get a gut reaction to shared information, something is wrong.
3. Body Language:
Watching body language is a great way to get information. Online conversations and texting leave much to the imagination. When you sit face to face and share information, you get the words and the body responses. Look for good eye contact, how easily is the person distracted, do they listen to you and do they ask you questions. Don’t be in a rush. Try not to miss opportunities to to gain more knowledge about this person.
4. Don’t be needy or desperate:
This makes a huge difference in how you process the information you are given. If you are a DW (as my friend Susan calls it) a Desperate Woman or for you guys a DM, a desperate man, you will overlook the elephant sitting in the booth with you. Fine tune your ability to be comfortable with yourself and you will make much healthier choices. Desperate does not create positive outcomes.
5. Physical appearance:
You said she was beautiful, really a knock out. This might also make it more difficult to question some of her information. Try not to be “taken in” by her beauty. Everything she is telling you could be truthful and honest but you might have a harder time disbelieving her, if you can’t see past the outside.
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Dating is both exciting and anxiety provoking. Not everyone presents with dishonesty. But it does appear to be smart to leave your gullible hat at home. Listen and ask questions. Remember if you don’t want date #2, tell her. That’s why it is called “dating.”