So I said to my boyfriend, “How can I be with you when I don’t know how to be with me?”
When Jennifer ended her three year relationship she sat in my office and said, “I have no idea who I am; what I believe in: what I want to do with my life? I haven’t been happy in this relationship for over a year and yet I stayed. I had a serious boyfriend in high school and we continued dating in college. We broke up and I started dating almost immediately. I am now 27 and realize that I have never had a relationship with myself.”
The game plan for Jennifer was the following:
1. She was “grounded” from dating. She had way too much work to do on her herself to share any of that energy with someone else.
2. Buy an awe inspiring journal and pencil or pen.
3. Download some favorite music. (Fortunately Jennifer did know what kind of music she liked).
Now the journey begins. Lets focus on mindfulness. How much of your time do you spend doing “mindless” activities? Have you created a routine for yourself that really leaves you quite unfulfilled upon serious inspection? Being mindful puts the focus on what you are doing and how you make it meaningful.
Have you ever really given thought to your belief systems about life? Consider the following topics:
1. Who are you really attracted to and why?
2. Have you ever made a “deal breaker” list and stuck with it?
3. Do you choose people to make your family/friends happy?
4. Do you develop a friendship based on communication and getting to know each other before having a physical relationship?
5. Do you speak up and have a voice or let someone else talk for you?
6. When your gut speaks, do you listen?
In the movie, Runaway Bride, Julia Roberts lets herself get so involved in a relationship that she plans to marry, then runs away. There is a scene where she has several plates of eggs cooked different ways. She is studying them. She states, “I have no idea how I like my eggs.” She liked whatever her boyfriend liked.
Find you before you find someone else. You will be surprised how much difference it makes.