Q. I recently met a woman who I really like. She has many of the qualities I am looking for (I finally became realistic to the fact that no one has all of them). Here is my question: She has been single 15 years and seems very comfortable with her life yet she has voiced a desire to get to know me better. I wonder what lies in our future?
—–Dennis
A. Dennis goes on to share the following: “I have been meeting women online and have connected with some interesting personalities. But one conundrum perplexes me; we meet for dinner, seem to have a good time with lots of interesting conversation. So I think we are going out again soon and she informs me that she really doesn’t have a lot of free time. Maybe we can get together next week.
I have found this to be true with several women. They put their profile online giving the impression they want to form a relationship and then don’t seem to have the time. Maybe they have been single so long that their lives are in good working order; they want companionship but don’t seem to really need it.
I would like to find someone and have a serious, committed relationship with the possibility of marriage one day. I have a lot of free time.
I was having date number three with the woman that I really liked. She was intelligent, funny, empathetic and playful. I told her that I was looking for someone to spend more time with and develop a serious relationship, maybe live together and hopefully marry. She looked stunned, took a deep breath and said, “I really haven’t thought that serious about the future, maybe I should have because clearly you have it all figured out.”
She sent me an email (after doing some thinking) and said maybe our timing was off. She was not thinking about me in the same way I was thinking about her. She was not interested in any more dates.
So here again is the conundrum……….if you have a profile online wanting to meet someone and you do but you haven’t really thought about what you are doing…….maybe you shouldn’t be looking for someone.”
Well Dennis here is something my friend Kim posted on Facebook that might be helpful:
People who have been single for too long are the hardest to love, because they have become so used to being single, independent and self-sufficient that it takes something extraordinary to convince them that they need you in their life.
Vicki L Mayfield, M.Ed., R.N., LMFT Marriage and Family Therapy Oklahoma City
If you would like to send a question to Vicki, email us at [email protected]
