Q. Why is it that I can’t express what i am thinking for fear I will hurt someone’s feelings? I have been dating Ben for 3 months and freeze when I need to communicate honestly. I can think it but can’t say it. I do it with other people too. How can I learn to “just say it?”
A. The art of communication is filled with mixed messages, one word responses and games without defined rules. Is it any wonder that we have problems having discussions that lead to meaningful resolutions? Communicating clearly, specifically and authentically would decrease some of the confusion.
Comedian Zach Galifianakis has provided us with a list of The Things Men Do That Upset Women. (Notice how bad communication messes things up)
1. Lie
2. Be honest.
3. Not talking to them.
4. Talking to much to them.
5. Not showing any emotions.
6. Being too emotional.
7. Breathing.
So what are The Things Women Do That Upset Men?
1. Showing emotion but saying “nothing is wrong.”
2. Saying tonight “will be the night” and then totally forgetting she said it.
3. Thinking I can read her mind, expecting me to know what I she is thinking.
4. Trying to have a conversation while I am watching football.
5. When she says, “we need to talk.”
6. When she talks to her girlfriend about me while I am sitting in the room, “hello, I can hear you.”
7. When she asks me if her thighs look fat in those pants.
The best you can do is try to communicate about what is going on with you and not stuff it and bring it out when you have a fight. If you are angry, say you are angry. Try to do it from your head and not your heart. When you are communicating with men, they will pay more attention if you talk about what is going on, rather than cry or yell about it.
And don’t be so concerned about every one’s feelings. There is a difference in speaking your truth and being mean. If something continues to bother you, you just can’t let it go, you really need to deal with it. Or it will affect your relationships and your health.
