ASK VICKI: I know that good marriages are possible if two people...

ASK VICKI: I know that good marriages are possible if two people are committed to doing the work.

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I know that good marriages are possible if two people are committed to doing the work. But one variable that I did not count on was how much work was involved with blended families. My wife and I would like to share our story.

My name is Vernon and my wife is Christy. I was divorced with a 15 year old son, Robert and Christy was divorced with a 13 year old daughter, Victoria. We met on Mar 25, 2011. Both of our kids were good at first and they wanted to be friends with the other parent at the time (while we were dating).
Later Victoria and Robert didn’t want to mind Christy and I and the rebellion soon followed. Victoria ran away and decided to stay and live with her father due to the misbehaving and rebellion. At the time, Robert was living with me in Cushing, Oklahoma. I decided to move Robert and myself to Oklahoma City in Aug. 2013 to be closer to Christy.
We got engaged and then married in Nov 2013. Christy and Robert became good friends as stepson and stepmother. His senior year brought changes to their relationship with rebellion and telling Christy she was not his mother. He became oppositional and refused to follow our rules.
Robert left to live with his mother in California and that is where he is now.
Throughout this journey Christy and I realized that we had to be strong and committed to each other so that our relationship would not deteriorate as a result of the strife with our children. We feel we are each other’s soul mate and that is very important to us. We love our children and welcome them home as long as they can be respectful and appreciate what we are trying to do for them.
One of the things that helped us was to realize we did not have all the answers and sought counseling to assist with finding solutions. We tried to maintain interactive communication and not stuff our thoughts and feelings especially it we thought it might upset the other. That’s not to say that we did not have some arguments and disagreements, because we did.
Our four year anniversary will be this Nov. We have learned a lot about the struggles of blending families. This was a time of change for our children too and we hope they will both want to be an active part of our lives.
Vernon and Christy

 

Vicki L Mayfield, M.Ed., R.N., LMFT Marriage and Family Therapy Oklahoma City

If you would like to send a question to Vicki, email us at news@okcnursingtimes.com

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